I remember crying. Crying about something that had never upset me before. I no longer fit into my jeans. I was 23 years old living in San Francisco going to culinary school for baking and pastries. My mom and sister were in town visiting me and a new town for the first time. When they saw me, they did not say anything about my weight, they did not have to. Their eyes had said it all. I was no longer the “half pint” my friends used to call me.
My time at culinary school had been really good to me. Being able to taste Duck confit, Creme Brulee and Ciabatta anytime I wanted. I was also strapped money wise, so when you are able to eat for free at the school, that is what you do. I had not noticed how much I had let myself go. I always dressed in my checkered pants with an elastic waistband and never went anywhere after school.
My family met me after school, I was still dressed in my uniform as I showed them around my hotel room. Yes, hotel room. I lived in a hotel for almost a year as that was all I could afford. It was not the best part of town, but, I am still here. After the quick tour, I changed into my favorite jeans. I guess I should say that, I tried to put on my favorite jeans. They never made it past my hips. That is where the flood gates opened and I realized just how bad all that butter had been. Looking over at my sister who has had two children without any stretch marks or sign of pregnancy, I started giving her my clothes. Stating that I would never fit into anything again. It was a very dark place I went to and I am very glad that I had my family there. They would not let me have self pity, it was their vacation and we were going to make the most of it! We did too, we had a great time. We took a lot of pictures that I look at now knowing– that will never be me again.
After I graduated from school, I moved back to Tahoe and changed my life. I started to exercise and eat a more balanced diet. I still eat Duck Confit, have the occasional Ciabatta bread or Creme Brulee. I just know how important moderation is now. I just look at cake and gain five pounds. It took me around nine months to lose the 25+ pounds. I never want to go through that again. So , I make a constant effort to maintain my ideal weight. It is not easy, but it is a whole lot easier than looking at those old pictures of me.